Before You Buy the Dress: Marriage Beyond the Highlight Reel
We all know Instagram makes being a “trad wife” look like the coolest thing ever.
Fresh sourdough from scratch.
Perfectly aesthetic kitchen.
Soft, flowy, feminine dress.
It looks like the dream, right? Life seems slow, calm, and perfectly put together.
Or you see the perfectly dressed couple who have monthly planning meetings with color-coded goals and matching mugs. And to be clear, that really might be some people’s reality—I’m not discrediting that at all.
But we have to remember: what we see online is a snapshot, not the full story.
People curate what they share. They choose which angles, which moments, and which sides of their life we get to see. And that matters, because I see people making huge life decisions based on a stranger’s highlight reel.
The Problem with Building a Life on Highlights
When you base your expectations of marriage on what you see online, you’re often building on a form of reality, not reality itself.
That’s why so many end up disappointed, disillusioned, or deeply unhappy—because real marriage doesn’t look like a perfectly filtered feed.
Marriage absolutely has blessings and picture-perfect moments. But the bulk of it?
It’s work.
It’s the literal joining of two completely different people. Two minds shaped by different cultures, beliefs, and experiences. And there will be times when those realities collide.
There will be moments where both of you have to let go of your former identity and cling to the one Christ has established for holy matrimony. And honestly? That looks a lot like picking up your cross and following Christ.
And yes, ladies: that means following.
This is why it’s so important to choose a real man of God—someone who actually allows God to lead him, hears from God, and can lead you as well. (But that’s probably a topic for another day.)
The point is this:
👉 Base your marital aspirations on reality that is centred in Scripture, not aesthetics.
Marriage Is Sacrificial (Not Just Cute Matching Outfits)
Marriage is sacrificial.
It is one of the greatest tests of how much you’re willing to deny yourself for another person and be led. In many ways, it mirrors our relationship with God.
We prove our love for God through obedience. And that often looks like denying ourselves certain things to receive what He has for us. It means following the leading of His Spirit and letting Him make the decisions about the outcome of our lives—instead of taking back control.
In marriage, that same principle shows up. It looks like surrender.
So here’s a real question:
Are you actually willing to live that out with your future spouse?
The Starbucks Fight That Woke Me Up
When my husband and I were dating—and even during courtship—we literally never fought. I can’t remember one argument. Not one disagreement.
So naturally, I thought marriage was going to be a cakewalk.
We talk through everything.
We’re so mature.
We don’t even fight.
What could possibly go wrong?
Well… we didn’t even make it six months into marriage before we had our first real fight—and I was traumatized.
This wasn’t something we could just “talk through.” We didn’t see eye to eye at all, and suddenly it felt like the stakes were so much higher.
The argument, by the way?
Starbucks.
Yep. My Starbucks coffee runs were causing financial strain on our marriage. Imagine that—our first big marital conflict… over coffee.
At least that’s how I saw it.
What I didn’t realize was that I still had a very independent mindset about money. I was going to Starbucks daily using “my” money—so in my head, no one could check me because it was mine, right?
But when “my” money ran out, I dipped into the shared account.
The problem?
He didn’t have any other accounts. Everything he had was shared. And while he was sharing all of his resources, I wasn’t sharing in the responsibility—just the spending.
He felt heavily burdened, carrying the mental load of our finances alone, and I was in my own little world just tapping my card away.
It was never about the coffee.
It was about partnership.
We’re called to be helpmeets, to carry the weight together. If one person is feeling the load, the other should care enough to adjust where needed. That would’ve been the logical conclusion.
But at the time, all I could see was:
“He’s trying to infringe on my rights.”
“Imagine! I have to tell him every time I want coffee?”
“Do I have to ask for every little thing? No way. I work too. I shouldn’t have to.”
That’s where the divide began.
I had to accept that this could not be how we operated—these standoffs, this defensive posture. It has to matter how the other person feels.
When Your Worldview Clashes with Your Marriage
I also had to admit something hard:
My upbringing and worldview could be completely different from my spouse’s—and if it was causing division, I had to ask:
Is this way of thinking really right?
Just because I’ve lived like this my whole life, does that make it acceptable before God?
Is holding onto this belief worth risking unity in my marriage?
This is the work of marriage.
Not just the cute photos and anniversary trips—but the humbling, stretching, uncomfortable work of confronting how you think.
And God, in His faithfulness, started to show me that my mindset wasn’t just offending my husband—it was offending Him too.
It was a carnal mind that worked contrary to His will.
And He used my marriage to expose it.
Marriage: God’s Intensive Training Program
Marriage will reveal all of you.
God uses this relationship to continue to make and mold you. Honestly, it’s one of the most intensive forms of son-training there is.
That’s why marriage is something you go into soberly, having counted the cost and being sure you followed the leading of God into it.
Because any lack in you—or in your spouse—will be magnified a thousand times in marriage. And you have to be willing to walk with them through that.
You become a partner not only in their joy and blessings, but also in their trials and tests. God requires no less.
So… Are You Really Ready?
Before you buy the dress…
Before you obsess over the venue, the photoshoot, or the aesthetic…
Ask yourself:
Am I basing my expectations on social media or on Scripture?
Am I willing to deny myself for another person—consistently?
Am I ready to follow Christ in this, even when it means surrendering my opinions, habits, and “rights”?
Am I prepared to let marriage expose me—and let God use it to transform me?
Because marriage is beautiful.
But it’s also holy.
And it’s work.
So before you fantasize about your picture-perfect life…
Ask yourself honestly:
Am I really ready?
